Sampler Update and Why I Hate Paper Piecing (A Rant)

I have been following along with the Splendid Sampler, a sew-along with Pat Sloan and Jane Davidson and Moda Fabrics. It started on Valentine’s Day and will run well into next year. It will contain 100 blocks by 80-some designers, with lots of bonus blocks along the way. Extra blocks are provided so we can either work ourselves to death or to swap out an official block we don’t care for with one we do.

I remember going into this sew-along thinking I would do as Pat suggested. Try it all, she said. Be a good sport, she said. We’ll have tutorials along the way. We’re all in this together! Ok, so there I was, just rarin’ to go.

For the first several blocks, everything was hunky dory. Before I go any further, let me insert a picture here of the 3 most recent blocks I’ve done. They bring my total to 14.  They all turned out well and I had a lot of fun.

There were some blocks with embroidery that I chose to skip. Not because I can’t embroider; I can, and very well thank you. (See some of my old crazy quilted blocks, quilts, etc from earlier years of this blog). But I want to quilt, not embroider. So, I skipped those blocks. No harm done.

And then, last Sunday the first Paper Pieced block was introduced. It is absolutely gorgeous and despite my better judgment, I wanted to try it.

Now, we all know full well that paper piecing was invented by the Devil’s Spawn. But I decided I was going to master the technique and do this block regardless of how many times I’ve tried and failed paper piecing in the past. After all, I thought, it couldn’t be as bad as that other thing - the T word (Tatting) that was invented by the Devil himself. But I digress.

So, I chose my fabrics, carefully measured and cut and read the scanty directions. I even watched a couple tutorials on You Tube (because my buddy Pat failed me in that regard, bless her heart). And speaking of those tutorials, why on earth would anyone teach paper piecing using the Economy Block as an example? You can do that block easier and better without paper piecing!!! But I digress again.

I went to my sewing machine with high hopes. Thirty minutes later I was in tears, a ranting, raving lunatic. What a disgraceful mess! That pile of scraps under the scissors might or might not have been shredded to bits by, um... someone.

Needless to say I have, since this picture, put away the surviving scraps and scissors. The rest has been thrown away after being gustily cut or torn to bits. Thank goodness the Quilting Police aren’t involved in the Splendid Sampler.

I will never try paper piecing again. My brain isn’t wired for such nonsense. It’s bass ackwards. It’s stupid and dumb and f*ing frustrating; (you can insert that f-word that our moms would’ve washed out our mouths for). Seriously? We can’t find a better way to piece than using paper backwards? And what about not using our sewing scissors for paper? I don’t even want to go there!

A better use for paper piecing would be at Guantanamo. We could just make terrorists do some paper piecing - they’d give up all their secrets in a heartbeat if faced with it. Trust me.

And just in case the message wasn’t clear in all the above diatribe wasn’t clear; I HATE PAPER PIECING!!

Hugs,